Friday, April 15, 2011


As I've mentioned before, we had adopted four children before the Duo.  The two boys are biological brothers and the girls are also biological sisters.  These children all came to us "at risk," which means they didn't come from ideal situations.  I loved that wording ....why would any child be adopted if she came from ideal situations???  The first adoption was a two year old boy and we were told that we wouldn't have any problems at all if we just loved him.  hmmm.....That meant, when we started having severe problems, it must be our fault...right??  We blithely adopted his brother five months later, thinking two would be so much easier than an only child.  Okay, so we were dumb, but it gets even better later.  Whenever I voiced our concerns, we were made to feel that we were at fault with these little guys.  Only years later did we find out the abuse...physically and mentally, and the terrible living conditions these babies lived through.  One was punched in the stomach so hard the doctor didn't think he would live.  And the parents got him back......until the mother did it again.  When the police went to arrest her, she had taken off.  That probably saved a life because the parents probably would have gotten them back.  She hurt them  while taking LSD and wound up in the hospital but not prison.  I'm beginning to sound a little bitter here. 
Both were finally diagnosed with ADHD and one could not bond to anyone.  In the two years these people had these children, they did irreparable damage. I could write a book or several books on the years with the boys but I'm kinda like Scarlett in Gone With The Wind  on that.  I'll think about it tomorrow.....or never.

Then we decided we needed girls to make our family complete.  I told you it gets better.

The first time we saw the girls, the littlest asked me if I was her new mommy.  Awwww.....but what that really meant was, "are you my today's mommy?"  These two hadn't gone through the terrible physical abuse but neglect.  Neglect does a terrible thing to a child's self worth.  They didn't know what actual love was and they didn't trust anybody completely.  The question everyday, for at least six months, was when were they going to move again and get a new mommy.  I've really had to do a lot of praying over the years not to hate.

I do want to stop right here and say that we had so much fun with our four kids.  It wasn't all bad just like any other family is not all good.  I never had two extreme crisis going at the same...thank you Lord!  I think the thing that got us through all the hills and mountains was our weird sense of humor.  In the blackest of times we laughed....mostly about the strangest things....and we hung on to each other.

Over the years, Chuck and I had wondered if we had done the right thing by adopting these children.  Would someone else with more patience or some one with more education in children's problems been better?  On the other hand, I often told our younger son, it was a good thing we adopted him......someone else would have beat him to death!  One thing Chuck and I were in total agreement was......never again.

What is that saying about never saying never??

to be continued.........

1 comment:

  1. We never knew, it's hard raising 5, when they are your own, especially as a single mother , altho their dad was always there for them too. I depended on God a lot, and as they got older, every time I heard a siren in the night, I prayed that all mine were safe, and all the others who called me mom, cause they didn't get along with their own parents.
    I have to thank God every day, we made it thru, and I am very proud to still be their mom !! You're one of the best Pat, and Chuck, God has really blessed you , I pray he keeps on blessing you and the Duo, love you all, you make my day............